The Concept Of Death
by 19Dianne94
Summary: "Death itself is a hard concept to think about.  Its not the easiest thing to overcome, especially when it happened to you.  What really happens when the light in your eyes leave?  When you take your last breath, and you feel your heart stop..."    R&R!


I'm going to say I'm sorry ahead of time.. I switch from Elliot's POV to Olivia's and vise versa a good little bit…but I am giving notice of who's POV it is at what point…hope its good enough to get past that.

_Death itself is a hard concept to think about. Its not the easiest thing to overcome, especially when it happened to you. What really happens when the light in your eyes leave? When you take your last breath, and you feel your heart stop. What's even worse when you die in his arms. When I died, I left my body. I stood there, in a third person view as I watched him shake my lifeless body. Truth be told, if I could cry at that point, I would have. But as I watched, he done the best thing for me. Then what I was seeing became blurry, and I stopped seeing._

_Earlier that day._

**_Olivia's POV_**

"Elliot! Olivia! We got a break in the case!" The captain yelled at us. We both stopped mid-argue. We were running on no sleep, and no leads for the past week on our rapist/murderer. He was targeting cops. He didn't care what sex they were. He'd kidnap them, rape them, then handcuff them to a pole face down. After that while they were shirtless, he'd brand them, with a metal pole. The females would get Bitch branded onto their left shoulder, like a tattoo, and the men would get Bastard. Everybody's been on edge, Including me and Elliot. Our fights becoming worse and worse. Both being carried away by our co-workers when we would start to throw punches. Though we knew each other too well to actually get a hit landed.

"Olivia!" Elliot was waving his hand in front of me.

"What? Yeah ok the break?" I said, completely unaware that the captain has already said what we needed to hear and I was zoned out.

"Yeah, the guy got sloppy. The condom broke in the last victim. We got sperm, name and an address. We go tomorrow morning, and get the surprise jump on him. . He'd always attack them at night, and leave during the day, coming back looking refreshed and awake when the sun went down." Elliot said.

"Good. We need sleep though. Need to be awake and on our game in the morning. Cribs?" I said, motioning towards upstairs.

"Good idea." Elliot took off upstairs, setting the alarm on his phone to wake us up at six.

Both of us went to our respective beds, side by side. The night after that turned black as sleep overcame my every thought about how much I love falling asleep seeing his face.

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No sooner had I fallen asleep it felt like, Elliot's phone started ringing to Behind these Hazel eyes. Elliot rolled over, falling off the cot. I couldn't contain my sleepy laughter. There was a muffle "ugh." from the floor.

"Behind these Hazel eyes Elliot? Really? And how does the floor feel?" I said, standing and stretching. I walked over to him, flipping him on his back with my foot.

"It sort of reminds me of you." he said, smiling. "It's your ringtone, and I knew I wouldn't be furious when I heard it ring." he said smiling, putting his arms behind his head, making no movement to get up from the floor.

"Yeah, well I guess I can take that as a compliment. Now get up! We have a perp to sneak up on." I said, walking back to the bathrooms and getting ready. I had just brushed my hair when I saw Elliot walk in, checking the magazine in his gun, and making sure he had extra's.

"You ready?" He asked. I nodded, looking down and checking my gun. I sat down slipping on sneakers, then following

"Really? Sneakers?" Elliot asked, dumfounded.

"Yes, El, sneakers.. Can't do much sneaking in high heels." I said laughing as I walked down the stairs.

We make it to our desks, hooking up our wires with Cragen, Fin, and Munch. They would be our backup in a van down the road. We were all hooked up, our wires invisible, as we all climbed into the back of the van. It took a matter of minutes to get to the drop off point. We sat and waited.

"Are you ready to do this, Liv?" Elliot asked, taking his hands and putting them on my upper arms, his bright blue eyes looking into my deep chocolate brown with honest sincerity.

"Yeah, I am definitely ready, just make sure you keep up." I said. We both climbed out of the van and started walking.

"Check, 1-2-3. Liv, El, can you hear us?" Cragen's voice crackled into my ear.

"Yeah, Cap." Me and Elliot said at the same time. We looked at each other and smiled briefly before stopping at the house.

"Be ready guys. This window of opportunity is VERY brief. His bedroom is down the hall, take the first door to your right then the first door to your left. Be quick." Cragen went silent.

Elliot looked at me, and I nodded. I crept up to the door, and tried to pick the lock. That was done easily. I smiled and turned and looked at Elliot. He just stood there shaking his head. The door handle turned easily, but then I realized, we wouldn't have the element of surprise. Smart criminal had a chain lock. We'd have to break it, which causes noise. I step back and sigh. Elliot knows it's his turn. He kicks in the door and we rush in, running down the hall and through the doors.

Lucky for us, our perp is still tangled in the sheets when we bust in. He falls to the floor. This seemed all to easy. I run over and cuff him, reading him his rights. Elliot is over by a side, metal door, looking for a handle.

"You won't find a way in there. Its hand coded to my handprint on that little scanner over there." The man said, smiling smugly from where I held him.

"Detective Benson. Please bring me the scumbag." Elliot says. I push him over there, followed Elliot's lead and helped pick the man up, moving his hand to the scanner. The machine beeped, then turned green, the door sliding open with a whoosh.

"You get the girl, I'll take him to the waiting car." I said, leading the man out.

By the time we got back to the House, our perp had completely shut up like a clam. Of course this was after he complained about his hands behind his back. Neither of us could take it anymore so we uncuffed one hand, and re-cuffed him, his hands in the front.

He walked through the squad room, escorted by one of the Uni's. I followed closely behind him, Elliot in front.

"Stop for one second." He said. The Uni looked at him, but complied. He turned around and looked at me.

"You know, you're very pretty. I'm glad you're the one who arrested me. I'm going to save you the trouble of the interrogation room. I did it." he said, describing every detail. I stood shocked. He finished his story, and smiled. The Uni had let the man go and was standing next to him, arms crossed.

"Oh, and one last thing detective." he said. I looked at him puzzled. He just smiled and quickly turned and grabbed the Uni's gun and shot at me before anybody had a chance to react.

All hell broke loose. I watched as the Uni tackled him, Elliot screaming to call a bus. The guy laughing manically. But this all seemed so far away. I could barely hear any of it through the pain I was feeling. I looked down, and felt the color drain from my cheeks as I saw the growing red circle on my stomach. I looked up as Elliot ran forward, just as I started falling.

"OLIVIA!" he yelled, laying me down flat on my back, putting pressure on the wound. I screamed in pain as his finger accidentally went into the bullet hole. "Sorry, sorry, sorry." he was muttering. I couldn't muster up any form of sound. It didn't help that the room was getting dark.

"Where the HELL is that DAMN bus!" Elliot looked up and screamed at Fin, who had came by my other side.

"It's on it's way. There was an accident a couple blocks over so they had to go around." Fin said. I felt pressure on my hand, knowing he grabbed it. "You're going to be ok Olivia. Just hang in there Baby Girl."

"El…" I whispered. It hurt to breath, but I felt like I needed to say it.

"Shh, Liv. Save your strength. Fin go meet that bus!" Elliot said. My hand instantly went colder.

"I'm cold." I whisper. The darkness was already clouding my vision.

"No Liv, you have to stay with me." Elliot said, lightly tapping my face as my eyes closed.

"El, this is..bad. I'm c-c-cold, a-a-and my fingers a-a-are going numb." I whisper through chattering teeth. My eyes close and I try to open them. But everything just feels so heavy. I can feel my heart slowing down, my breathing becoming shallow. I open my eyes briefly to see Elliot's face above mine, saying something, tears falling freely from his eyes. I can't hear what he's saying.

My eyes close again, and I realize that breathing hurts. And just like that I stop. I feel my heart try to pump blood that isn't there. It stops trying, and I let the darkness take over.

I look down, and see myself.

"_What's going on."_ I think to myself. I see Elliot yelling at me, shaking my arms. I just lay there. He thinks for a second then starts CPR. I can see him working in a frenzy. Cragen and Munch have joined him now. Cragen breathing as Elliot pumps my heart. I smile at how much compassion they have for me to save a lifeless body. I look up and see Alex and Casey standing in the doorway, supporting each other. The tears are like a flood coming from their face. That's when I look over and see her. It's very faint.

"_Mom?" _I say. She walks over, her face growing more and more easier to see, and the scene before me becoming more and more blurry.

"_Olivia, sweetheart. I told you I didn't want you becoming a cop. Now look. You're dead. That IDIOT shot you. I've been watching over you. Being somewhat of a guardian angel since I wasn't a mother to you. I couldn't stop this one. That twinge of a feeling you always get right before something goes wrong. That's me. I see things differently here, and usually see when something is about to happen. This one. I never saw coming. But Olivia. It's not your time. I love you, and I'd love to spend this time with you, but you're needed there. You've become a beautiful woman, and an amazing cop. I'm proud to say you are my daughter. Now go. Save some more lives. And don't come back until you're old and grey and it's you time." _My mother said to me. She walked over, hugged me, and kissed my cheek. I smiled and hugged her back, kissing her again. I looked over at the scene beside me.

The paramedics were there, my shirt ripped open. One of the guys was putting something on my stomach, The other putting an IV in. Elliot was still doing chest compressions. Then another man ran in, a machine in his hand. The put it next to me, moved Elliot and attached the sticky pads to my chest. I see the man press a button, then my body seizes up. He does it one more time. I look over and started to see my mother fade away, and so did the scene. The next thing I remember is blackness.

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**Elliot's POV**

I almost passed out in relief when she took a breath.

"Mom…" she whispered.

I was shocked. The paramedics quickly put an oxygen mask on her and hustled her out on a gurney. I couldn't move. I stayed there on my knees, her blood all over me, and the floor around me. I had lost Olivia there. I never saw that coming. Nobody did. The gunshot still is ringing in my ears.

"Elliot. Come on, we're going to the hospital." Fin and Cragen pulled me up, breaking me from the trance I was in. We all ran out the precinct, the ADA's behind us.

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**Olivia's POV**

The ride in the hospital was painful. The driver seemed to hit every pothole on purpose. The medic next to me was working frantically. I could hear every other word he was yelling.

"B.P. dropping! …Erratic Heart… Might not make it… Detective Benson Hold on!" I recognized his voice. I've been in the ambulance with tons of victims. He's really sweet and gentle with them. The driver hit another pothole. My heart jumped and stopped again.

I was sitting on the foot of the gurney looking at the paramedic doing compressions. He yelled to call it in. Said we'd be at the hospital in under a minute.

"_Dead again. DAMN IT! Can't I at least make it to the hospital before I die? That way I can be brought back properly?" _I said screaming, knowing nobody could hear me.

"_Where would be the fun in that? I mean, if you're going to die and be brought back, why not give them a little scare here and there? But really Olivia, I thought I told you to stay alive. I need to see you live, get married, catch more criminals, have kids, marry the cute partner of yours. And don't say anything. I see things that you don't. You guys love each other." _My mom said sitting on the bench across from me. We were at the hospital now. I couldn't say anything. We just watched as a nurse came in and straddled me, doing chest compressions as they pulled the gurney out of the ambulance. Me and my mom followed.

"_Mom, There's so much I want to ask you but I know I can't stay here forever. Just one thing. If you see what I don't yet, why didn't you see the car coming when I got in the wreck with Elliot's wife a few years ago? Why didn't you warn me about the danger I was in when he went undercover and we almost got caught?" _I asked, watching the nurses work over my body. I turned seeing the team standing in the doorway and window watching, tears in all of their eyes.

"_Because you needed to learn a little. And I didn't like his wife to begin with. He was coming on her side. I knew you wouldn't be hurt. Now I'm going to say this again. Get your ass back in your body and wait about 30 or 50 more years to join me. I'll still be your guardian angel." _My mom kissed my forehead, hugged me and shoved me back into my body.

I gasped as my heart started again. I could hear them yelling to get blood and something about a free O.R. Then there was a loud bang and a nurse yelling 'sir you can't be in here'. There was a muffled growl about she's my partner and I thought about laughing. Elliot's so protective. I smiled as I slipped into unconsciousness.

**Elliot's P.O.V**

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**The ride to the hospital was painfully slow even though Don was breaking laws driving. Somehow we stuffed Don, Fin, Munch, Alex, Casey, and I into a squad car and raced to the hospital, the radio on full blast so we could hear it over the siren. I almost died right then when I heard the paramedics call in Olivia coding. Alex and Casey started crying again. When we finally got to the hospital I could see Olivia being taken in, a nurse on her doing chest compressions. Don barely got the car stopped and I was out the door after the gurney. I rushed into the first room I saw, and luckily it was her room. I paid no mind to the nurse who told me to leave.

"She's my partner. I belong with her!" I growled out. I saw Olivia smile, then relax. She heard me.

"Liv! You've got to make it through this. The whole squad is here. You can't leave your family." I said, kissing her forehead.

"Sir, we need to get her to the operating room if she is to live. We'll send somebody with an update." The doctor said, rushing me out of the room. I went and told everybody in the waiting room. They had cleared out a corner of the room. Now it was a wait and see game.

**3rd P.O.V**

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Olivia was brought to the operating room after finally being stabilized. The doctor shook his head once he started, surprised that this woman was still alive. There was a bullet hole torn straight through her stomach and it was lodged in there. After a very antagonizing hour in surgery, the doctor came out.

"Family of Olivia Benson?" he asked, shocked at the amount of people who stood up. "All of you?" It was after a nod from everybody that he inwardly laughed. It was obvious that this was a great detective.

"She made it through surgery. We almost lost her again, but she's strong. Stronger than anybody I've ever operated on. It's amazing that she is alive. She's in I.C.U. right now. One at a time. She should be waking up soon." The doctor nodded at them all and left. Elliot decided on Don to go first. He'd have to get back to the squad and write up what happened for I.A.B.

Don walked in and noticed how pale she looked. Olivia was trying to open her eyes. He looked around and found the light dimmer and put it to almost off.

"Thanks." She whispered.

"No problem, though I might turn it on full blast if you ever get shot again, which I hope never happens." Don said sitting down.

"Hell, no kidding. I might miss my mom sometimes, but I want to see her again when I'm ready to die, not when a prick takes it from me. And damn it hurts to much to want to have it done again" Olivia said, slightly smiling.

"You're mom?" Don was now confused.

"Yeah. When I died at the precedent and in the ambulance, I was watching over my body and my mom was there. She's apparently my guardian angel. My gut feeling. I knew there was something else to how I was almost always right. Trust my Gut."

"Well, I guess that's a good thing. Look I just needed to make sure you were ok. I'm going to send Elliot in. Got to go start on the paperwork, but god knows where to start with it." they both shared a smile then he left, kissing Olivia's forehead. Elliot came in not two minutes later.

"Hey you. Look I'm sorry" Olivia said.

"Sorry? For what? You didn't do anything! I should be sorry. I said I'd always have your back. I almost lost you for good." Elliot said sitting beside her on the bed, taking her hand in his.

"That's what I'm sorry about. I almost left you for good. Especially before I could tell you how I really feel. I had sort of a slap in the face with a certain angel that made me realize how much I care about you El. Basically I'm sorry I almost died without telling you how I really feel. How much I love you." Olivia looked down at their joined hands. Her heart sunk when he withdrew his hand.

"Olivia, I'm sorry. I was so scared I was going to loose you I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to die with you. I knew you would never know how much I loved you too." Elliot put his hand on her face, making their eyes meet. "I love you Olivia Benson." Elliot plainly stated as she smiled. He leaned in close and kissed her soft.

Olivia smiled when they pulled away. She felt a slight breeze and her hair moved. She felt love and warmth. Olivia looked down, a wider smile on her face. "There's no reason for 'I Told You So', Mom."


End file.
